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I still use the "finding out she's five" gag all the time.







And my favorite

"My fellow nerds and I will return to the nerdery, with our calculators."

I was reading through the last few posts when I realized two things

1.)I'm totally awesome

2.)I am also a big nerd

Yes, you can be both. As I am living proof.

However, being a nerd, sometimes there are things that I feel that I should be into and that I have a kind of passing interest in... but I just am not into it.

Dungeons & Dragons
I love the idea of Dungeons & Dragons. Creating a character and then going on quests and adventures with said character. Making progress with that character and hanging out with friends rollin' D20s as if you were Ashy Larry at the World Series of Dice. It sounds like a crazy amount of fun.


However, for one reason or another I just can't get into it. Probably because whenever I have made an attempt at playing it it has been a miserable failure or just been too bogged down by rigid rules and regulations. When creating a character instead of focusing on how radical your dragon slayer sword is on your plainsriding Wizard King... you have to do points allocation. Or when you are playing the game and the Dungeon Master (the guy who basically is in charge of the game) says something like "there is a Chimera in an aggressive stance in front of you." and you respond with "I'm gonna slay that bitch!" there is always some BS restriction like "Oh your initiative score is too low." and frankly... it kills any fun. And normally, the other guys that are playing are big dorks. So that means either a.) they take the game way too seriously and make mouth noises for the action their character is performing, or b.) they don't take it seriously at all and they spend all their time making Monty Python jokes.

Also, D&D is time consuming. And frankly, I have neither the time nor the inclination to spend that much time being unproductive.

Doctor Who
I remember when I first started watching the new Battlestar Galactica (one of the better decisions I have made in my life) I thought "here we go down the slippery nerd slope" and thought that Battlestar would be a gateway to dorkier TV fare. Thankfully Battlestar Galactica was awesome and maintained my dignity. The pinnacle (or dregs depending on your point of view) of Geek TV is Doctor Who... but it shouldn't be.

A timeless defender of humanity that has radical gadgets and routinely adventures through time and space. Sounds totally great, right? Sounds right up my alley?

Wrong

Except that in almost all of his incarnations Doctor Who has been totally lame. The most enthusiasm I have been able to muster for Doctor Who is a mighty "meh". Maybe it's how the Brits think it is so clever to have a hero who doesn't look heroic (which has been done to much greater effect with John Constantine in the comic series "Hellblazer"). Maybe it is the fact that the bad guys are essentially trashcans.

Seriously?

I don't know what it is. But no television show has failed to capture my attention like Doctor Who has. Newsflash, if you don't want Doctor Who to look like the standard western idea of "heroic" that's fine. But, you don't have to make him look like a total toolbox.

Star Trek
I have watched the first airing of the first episode of every Trek series since The Next Generation. I have wanted to like Star Trek. Simply because I feel it is my duty as a comic book, anime, Video game, sci-fi loving dork to adore Star Trek. Because everyone else does. Nerds are always rattling on about how awesome Cpt. Kirk is. How awesome the adventures of Starship Enterprise are. Like I said before I have wanted to like Star Trek. But, I don't.

In fact, before the latest movie came out (which was AMAZING.) I hated all things Star Trek. I hated how non-tactile the show was. I hated the pie-in-the-sky idealism. I hated that there were galaxies upon galaxies available for exploration yet the same five races kept showing up. And! When a new race did show up it was always a one-off kind of situation and they were almost invariably lame (Native American planet, 1930's Gangster planet, Ancient Greece planet).

These guys get a pass because Frank Gorshin is awesome

There were aspects to some of the shows that I liked. I liked that Deep Space Nine had the concept of Section 31. I liked that Next Generation had a captain that actually lived up to the hype. But, overall, I don't like Star Trek. However, I do have enough knowledge on it so that I get the pop-cultural references to it. Even adopting them into my own lexicon ("spock with a beard", Red shirt, etc,)Thankfully the new movie took out all the things I hate (or adjusted them until they were cool) and kept the things I liked.

While my indifference or open disdain for these things kind of makes me feel like I should turn in my nerd card, I am kind of glad that I am not into all of these things. Because if I were... well, I prefer to not think about it.

Holy CRAP!!!!!

The Ballad of G.I. Joe from Olivia Wilde

If they would have assembled the same cast for the GI Joe movie as they did for this Ballad of GI Joe. I would have waited in line for hours.

Zach Galifianakis as Snow Job
Alan Tudyk as Shipwreck
Julianne Moore as Scarlett
Henry Rollins as Duke
Alexis Bleidel as Lady Jaye
Olivia Wilde as Baroness
Vinnie Jones as Destro
Billy Crudup as Zartan
Sgt. Slaughter as himself
Tony Hale (BUSTER!!!) as Dr. Mindbender
Chuck Liddell as Gung-Ho

Excuse me while I scrape my brains off of the wall directly behind my chair because my mind was officially blown.

Brigham, Buster is Dr. Mindbender. That's all you need to know to click play.

Diablo Cody: Back in the Good Graces

I really liked Diablo Cody. She was kind of a breath of fresh air and she gave my sister a rocking interview. But, there was a bit of backlash after a little while... mostly due to the fact that Juno doesn't hold up nearly as well on the second viewing. Which I think is probably Ellen Page's fault and not Diablo Cody's. So there was a while when I was "over" her.

Then I see this video and she storms her way right back into my heart


Just seeing how freaked out she is to meet Stan Lee is awesome and really sweet. But, the interviewer is a real jackass. "Hey Stan Lee, she won an oscar. What have you done?" I wanted Stan Lee to say "Oh you mean other than create Spiderman, Fantastic Four, X-Men, Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, The Avengers, Daredevil and countless other characters that have helped enrich the childhoods of millions upon millions of people and basically redefined a storytelling medium? Well aside from creating a modern mythological pantheon that will be around longer than it takes for an Oscar to biodegrade... I guess I haven't done that much with my life."

MMA, and other stuff

----MMA SECTION. If you don't want to read this part, scroll down to nerd stuff----

The t-shirt company that became a fight promoter is now just a t-shirt company again. Affliction, the fight promoter/clothier that provides clothing for douchebags and fans of Boondock Saints (redundancy) around the world, went under last week. But, unfortunately for people with good taste in clothes it was only the fight promoting branch that went under. The nail in the coffin was Josh Barnett testing positive for steroids when he went for a California state Athletic Commission license renewal. Barnett was supposed to fight Fedor Emelianenko in the main event for Affliction's third event "Trilogy" in early August. But, he was denied a license when the CSAC found an anabolic steroid in Josh Barnett's system. Affliction first was scrambling to find a replacement for Barnett. Then they canceled the show. Then they decided to stop promoting fights.

My gut reaction was to laugh at how Josh Barnett was responsible for the downfall of an entire promotion and for robbing 13 other fighters of their pay that they would have made by fighting that night. However, Affliction was basically in it's death throes after it's first show. And the reason? MMA snobs' favorite fighter Fedor Emelianenko. Everyone and their mom says that he is the best pound for pound fighter in the world (Which he isn't. That title belongs to GSP.). And Fedor and his management have heard this for so long that they are starting to believe the hype. They ask for exorbitant amounts of money for fights. Something to the tune of 2 million per fight. Now, while it may be a feather in the cap of a fledgling organization to have Fedor on the fight roster. It also is a curse. Because Fedor asks for so much money, he basically bleeds these companies dry.

The only company that can financially support someone like Fedor is the UFC. And Fedor's people are notoriously hard to deal with (freaking cossacks.). As is Dana White... But, Dana White really wants to make Fedor vs. Lesnar happen. Mostly because I think he knows that Brock Lesnar would beat Fedor and it would shut everyone up about how great Fedor is.

I'm with Dana White. Yeah, Fedor is good. But, 1.) He's not that good. and 2.)I am just sick of hearing about it.

----END OF MMA SECTION----

Freaking NEW TRON TRAILER!!!



I was super excited when I heard they were making this. I was even more excited when last year that super blurry comic-con footage surfaced. Then, I got even MORE excited when I found out earlier this year that Daft Punk was going to do the score for the movie. Basically, I'm gay for this movie.

James Cameron had like 20 minutes of "Avatar" that he showed off at comic-con, which he will be showing for free at some IMAX theaters... And basically I am sick and tired of reading/hearing how awesome it is. I want to see how awesome it is without having to wait in a 5 hour long line. I'm sure that James Cameron would feed everyone a line of BS about how he wants to maintain the integrity of the final product by only showing it in the highest quality on film projectors made from the beaks of a thousand eagles. But, forcing people, who WANT to be advertised to, to jump through these hoops to catch a glimpse of your glory. Well, it's kind of a turn off. And it shows a contempt and disdain for the audience. And it bugs.

Iron Man 2 also showed some stuff at Comic-Con. But, I heard it was just some snippets and not an actual trailer. But, that reminds me. I am trying my darndest to have a media blackout on Iron Man 2 info. Why is that you may ask? I want to be surprised. I want things to catch me off guard. I want to not know when the trailer is coming out so that when I see it for the first time I will be that much more excited. We'll see how successful it is... but, I'm gonna try.

On the issue of Comic-Con

I have never attended San Diego Comic Con. There I said it. I am not attending this year either.

I have wanted to go to Comic Con for years. Years. Yet, I never have. The reason for me not going isn't a crazy one it's pretty simple actually. When I was younger I was really into comics and art and stuff and I would always ask my parents to take me. They would say "Sure, I don't see why not." But, being a little kid my attention span was that of a large fruit fly and I would forget the dates and it being before the age of the internets I couldn't just look something like that up. And so I wouldn't end up going.

Then when I got older, I kinda stopped reading comics. Pretty much all of high school I loved to draw and I love the idea of being an artist. But, I wasn't actively trying to become one. I was too convinced that I was going to be a stock broker or businessman of some kind... because that's where the money is... or was. -wink-nudge-chuckle- That and I was playing video games all the time... what can I say? I was a teenager. So all of those years were a wash as far as my Comic-Con attendance was concerned.

Then, during my senior year, in my Econ/Government combo I was seated next to a girl Rita Lichtwardt who was a phenomenal artist. And she liked comics. We would sit there and talk shop and we would show each other the doodles we would do in class. She was really rad. She came into class and lent me her copy of Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns. And thus my love of comic books was re-kindled. And my love of drawing was rekindled as well. She gave me a sketchbook for Christmas and I gave her Joe Madureira's Battle Chasers Trade Paperback.

Then right out of High School I started working at the place where I still currently work. And the super busy time of year is always during July. The same month when Comic Con takes place. So I wasn't able to go in 2001-2002.

Then, I went on my mission to the Dominican Republic. So 2003-2004, no go. Came home, and started working at the job I am at now. However, since I've returned from my mission. I have heard rumblings. Rumblings from people that have attended the con. That more and more it is becoming not so enjoyable. That is more of a chore to attend than the joy one would expect. That it was becoming more and more of a bloated, tedious affair due in part to all things genre coming to represent at the con. That comics have become an after-thought to the movies, and TV shows. That the lines are interminable, the cosplayers are over theatrical (and smelly) and that it has become very, in fact, claustrophobic.

And I have heard the same every year since 2005. So, while I am bummed I have never attended. I am becoming less and less bummed that I am not attending on a regular basis. At this point one of two things is going to happen. 1.) My first time attending Comic Con will be as a creator and I will be at a panel or booth or something. Or 2.) Comic Con will collapse under it's own girth and cease to be called Comic-Con and will just be called Pop-Culture Con and will be moved to a larger more adequate setting and will be thus, an entirely different animal from the Comic Con of days of yore.

Maybe I'll just start going to Wonder-Con up in San Francisco.

Lots of stuff

Alright, my brother has decried my lack of blogs despite the abundance of material so lets not mince words.

I went and saw Transformers 2... by myself. It was effing terrible. I have the same question for GI Joe that I have of TF2 when I ask "Who is this movie for?" Obviously Michael Bay doesn't give two craps about the transformer fans. And it's so offensive it would turn away non-transformers fans... But, what do I know. Michael Bay is laughing all the way to the bank. So for this precise reason I will not be seeing GI Joe. It looks colossally bad and embarrassed of it's source material. "But Tanner" you may say "It's just a movie based on a cartoon. How good do you expect it to be?" I expect it to be Iron Man good, Dark Knight good, Spider-Man good, Superman good(the christopher reeve one). At the very minimum, Rocketeer good. Those are all movies that took the established franchise and didn't shy away from their source material. What it did was take the best parts of that material and make a great movie from it. Had transformers 1&2 come out before... let's say Spider-Man 1? I would probably have loved it. But, I now know what is possible when someone takes a beloved franchise and makes something incredible out of it. To the masses I say, if you eat nothing but garbage why would they feed you anything else?

I went to the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter. Sarah is a big Harry Potter nerd so we had to go at midnight. No big deal as I'm sure that she will accompany me to one of my million acts of nerdery that I will have in my life. And I would rather she be a Harry Potter nerd than a Twilight nerd. Because being a fan of Twilight, to me, shows a certain... desperation. And as we all know desperation is a smelly cologne.

But, back to the movie. It was okay. I feel that Prisoner of Azkaban is still the best because it had an honest to goodness amazing director in Alfonso Cuaron. This one was just kind of okay. I wonder if reading the books has soured the movies on me. Because I know how it all plays out. Also, for a movie with the subtitle of "Half Blood Prince" they spend a criminally small amount of time actually talking about said Half Blood Prince.

Final thought about the experience: Harry Potter nerds, while possessing better hygiene, are WAY dorkier than Comic book nerds. Example: After the first trailer, the film slipped off of the reel. What happened next I could have never imagined. Someone shouted "reparo!"(Harry Potter fix-it spell) And everyone cheered and shouted other various spells from the films. I was mortified to be in the room. But, it made Sarah happy and that's all that really matters.

Weekend before last I was in Henderson, NV celebrating my friend Brendan Sherlock's upcoming nuptials and we were able to go watch UFC 100. I can blame UFC 100 for my lack blogging as it consumed many of my thoughts during my waking hours in the weeks leading up to it. Frank Mir was fighting Brock Lesnar, George St. Pierre was fighting Thiago Alves, and Dan Henderson was fighting Michael Bisping.

I was so excited I'm pretty sure that I was beginning to annoy my friends. I couldn't wait. The day finally arrived and after some searching we found a bar in the area that was playing the fight. We went down early to secure good seats. And I gotta say, I have never watched fights in a community atmosphere. But, it was so much fun! Everybody there was really into it and were cheering in unison. It was awesome. And I'm not even talking about the fights yet.

The fights themselves were amazing. While I wanted Thiago Alves to win, I wasn't all that surprised that Georges St. Pierre won. They both fought well. But, GSP fought a dominant and fast paced fight. Alves seemed off his game and I hope he can comeback and challenge for the title again.

Dan Henderson knocked out Michael Bisping so bad I thought he had died. Henderson had his right hand loaded up the whole first round and was firing it off whenever he could. And with Michael Bisping foolishly circling to his left the whole time it was only a matter of time until Hendo's big right hand landed. And land it did. Check this out.


Now what happened immediately after the KO is what has caused some controversy. Because, Henderson in a post-fight interview admitted to knowing that Bisping was out but he still followed with that vicious forearm after the fact cause he wanted to "shut his mouth". Now, in MMA the rule is you are supposed to keep going until the Ref says stop. And that's fine and even understandable if you are throwing a combination. Let say you knock the guy out with the 1 punch but you land the 2 and the 3 after the fact. No big deal. You were executing a series of punches. But, knocking a dude out with an overhand right seeing him flop to the ground lifelessly and then proceeding to smash your forearm into his face? Not so cool. And kind of unsafe. But, hey, comes with the territory.

For 17 months, Frank Mir had talked trash on Brock Lesnar. Calling him everything from a little girl to a retard. So when the two heavyweights got put in the cage to finally hash it out. I was expecting there to be fireworks. And there were. Brock Lesnar basically devoured Frank Mir and turned him into a lumpy bloody mess. That is what is referred to as messing with the bull and getting the horn. Frank Mir indeed woke the sleeping giant as Brock Lesnar in only his 5th professional MMA fight didn't give Frank Mir the time of day. Mir was overwhelmed by Brock's size, strength and speed. However, Brock showed some new technique in his ground and pound game. Brock isolated Frank Mir's head and two arms with ONE of his own arms. Leaving the other arm free to load up and pound Frank Mir in his smug, elitist, face through most of the first round. I imagine Frank was thinking so this is what it feels like to have a bowling ball dropped on my face over and over and over again. Then round one ended. Ding round 2! The tangle in the stand up for a little bit, Lesnar shoots for a single leg takedown and Frank Mir lands a beautiful leaping knee. A maneuver I have only seen Yves Edwards and Urijah Faber execute successfully. And I think Frank was hoping that the knee would have knocked him out. No such luck. Frank was taken down gave up wrist control and was punched 14 times with no intelligent defense or response. So the fight was called. Brock Lesnar wins by TKO in the 2nd round.

Once again, there is a lot of controversy over the post fight happenings. Brock Lesnar got up after putting on a dominant, impressive, display of mixed martial arts to find mixed martial arts fans booing him. For winning. Well, apparently, these fans thought of Brock Lesnar as "The Bad guy", and Brock Lesnar was only happy to oblige. By giving the people booing him the One-finger salute. And as he was taking his victory lap he stopped by the woozy Frank Mir as he was getting up and said "You can talk all the trash you want now." Then Joe Rogan asks him what he's gonna do. Lesnar unwisely trashes the UFC's biggest sponsor and then intimates that he is going to get it on with his wife.

Apparently, theses antics offended the delicate sensibilities of fans of a sport which consists of two guys fighting in a cage. The MMA fan community was livid. They wanted blood! They wanted fines. They wanted Lesnar's title to be stripped from him. They wanted his head on a stake. All I have to say to MMA "purists"(which I used to consider myself until lately) is "boo-effing-hoo" fast foward ten twenty maybe even thirty years from now. If Brock Lesnar continues to be as dominant as he has been in his last 3 fights for those thirty years Brock Lesnar will be remembered as the Muhammad Ali of Mixed MArtial Arts. Mark my words. Muhammad Ali ran his mouth constantly. He would trash all his opponents before during and after fights. But nobody remembers that part now that he's an afflicted, old, man. The memories of Ali calling Joe Frazier an UNCLE TOM! Go right out the window. Booing fans wanted the world to know that they saw Brock Lesnar as a bad guy. And they got what they wanted. A bad guy that no one can ignore.